Heaven Isn't Heaven Without You
by ThisIsForKeeps
Summary: Both Edward and Bella are dead, and they meet in Heaven, this is the story about how they fall in love and decide to 'move on', full and better summary inside, better than it sounds hopefully rated T just in case
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Summary: Edward died of Influenza in 1918 and Bella died when Tyler's truck hit her in 2005. Bella is in heaven when she meets Edward. They are both alone as everyone they love who died has 'moved on'.  
****They don't know where to but they do know you only make it there if you're content. They start spending all their time together and each confront what's holding them back from Contentment- Bella's inability to let go of her human family, and Edwards fear of the unknown. Together they find what they never hoped to- love.  
****Heaven is a lot like it is described in **_**The Lovely Bones**_.

**It sounds pretty confusing but I think the beginning of this chapter explains everything, you can review or PM with any questions**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

Bella's POV

I laid down on the cool grass and pressed my cheek to the ground. I inhaled deeply and took in the earthy smell of the grass. I let out a small smile; I remember when I first came to heaven. I was shocked, no haloes, no floating clouds or angels, no eternal feasts, not perfect, for how could it be perfect when my friends and family were still living. No, instead it was just like earth, well not just like earth.

Heaven is in fact a very interesting place. I can't tell you what heaven will be like for you- if indeed you ever make it- for Heaven is different for everyone. It is, to put it simply, what ever you want it to be. You need only to think of something and it'll appear for you. In my heaven it's bright and sunny all the time. I have a huge library and my house is just a modest cottage. I spend most of my time watching over the one thing I don't have here in heaven: my friends and family.

At first it hurt me so much to watch them as they struggled to come to terms with my sudden and premature death. I was so mad, so angry. I tried to reach out to my parents, tried to give them a sign that I was okay, that I was there, watching them, waiting for them, but to no avail.

And so I watched. Watched my funeral, watched as my mother cried herself to sleep every night for two months. Watched as my father, always a recluse, avoided human company altogether. Saw my friends cry for me. Saw Tyler blame himself again and again for not being careful enough. And eventually, as time went on, watched them rebuild their lives, and pretty much go back to the way things were.

I watched my friends and family most of the time, something which Heaven's advisors- basically the councilors and rule keepers (not that there are many rules, we're in heaven, we're good people)- strongly advised against. They claimed that getting too attached to the living would keep you from 'moving on', reaching 'Contentment'. Not that I cared about that. Contentment is the place you go when you are fully content, happy with everything you had, nobody in Heaven really knew much about Contentment, but I knew enough to know that I didn't want to go. I _liked_ watching over my family, the rumored perfection of Contentment did not tempt me as it did most others.

I was lonely, that was for sure, but what could I do about that. I doubt that I could make it to Contentment even if I wanted to, because I sure wasn't content. The advisers had told me what to do. I had to say good-bye to everyone I watched over and let them go, but I knew I couldn't do that.

I was still lying there contemplating the last few years, and indeed my existence when I heard a rude cough interrupt my revere. I sat up startled, ready to glare at the intruder, but instead I had to stop my mouth from dropping open, because, in front of me was the most beautiful boy I have ever seen- not just the kind of beautiful that all people are once they reach heaven- but just…wow, this boy had definitely been a beautiful human too. He was tall and thin, although you could easily see his clearly defined muscles through his shirt. He had copper hair, which was long and in disarray. His features were smooth and angular, and he had piercing emerald eyes. His eyes met mine and he smiled apologetically, his crooked grin melting my heart. He was instantly forgiven for his interruption, I smiled widely and he approached me and took a seat on the ground next to me.

The boy held out his hand, "Edward Mason, Spanish Influenza, 1918". He introduced himself with both name, cause and year of death as was common. I took Edward's hand and shook it,

"Bella Swan, hit by a truck, 2005." He nodded in understanding,

"Ah, a newbie." My eyebrows shot up, annoyed, I'd been dead for almost three years, its not like I died yesterday.

"If I'm a newbie I guess you're an old timer, huh." At first Edward looked a little shocked at my obvious irritation, but then he just tipped back his head and laughed,

"Gosh, feisty, aren't we. I just meant that you haven't been dead for long." I rolled my eyes,

"Yeah, I had figured that newbie meant that I'm new." Edward chuckled again and I continued, "Seriously though, most people who've been dead as long as you have have moved on to Contentment by now, why not you?" Edward bristled up, uncomfortable with the turn that the conversation had taken, he sighed,

"To be completely honest, I don't really want to go."

"But all your family are there right?"

"Well yeah but, I mean, maybe" he said, struggling for words.

"Maybe? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well that's the thing isn't it, nobody here knows what Contentment's like, for all we know you could just…disappear." Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Edward, are you telling me that the reason you haven't moved on is because you're scared of the unknown?" He looked sheepish,

"Well there's that, but also, I don't think I _could_ move on, even if I wanted to…I don't think I am content…I think my existence might be missing something." I nodded, understanding his predicament only too well. Edward cleared his throat, eager to turn the conversation away from himself.

"So what about you? Why aren't you in Contentment right now?" I pointed to the ground, knowing he would understand that I meant I was still tied to the earth.

"I can't let go of my family and friends, they're all alive, and there, and I'm not. How am I supposed to be 'content' with that situation? I mainly just watch them, it's a poor substitute for actually being there, but it's better than nothing." Edward nodded, accepting my- all too common- explanation, then as he considered it his green eyes seemed to darken, before he shook his head and cleared his face of what ever emotion had just crossed it,

"I guess I can't really blame you for watching your family and friends…before mine all joined me here I did the same thing." I nodded and he continued, "So Bella" he asked casually, "Do you have a boyfriend down there?"

**So that was chapter one, what do you think? Please REVIEW, tell me what you thought. Do you guys want Edward's POV of this chapter or not?**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**OMG, thanks heaps to everyone who reviewed this, I got such a great response, thank you, thank you.  
****This chapter is dedicated to Alexa, for helping me pretend that I'd actually done my work in class when I was really replying to your lovely reviews, and also for being awesome :D  
****Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

WHAT? Why would he ask _that_? At that, a million more questions rushed through my mind ,

_Did he like me?_

_Did I want him to like me?_

_Do I like him?_

_When I say no, what will he say?_

Luckily for me it took only a nanosecond for this to happen, although I was able to answer none of the questions I had just asked myself, I decided to play it safe until I figured everything out,

"Nah" I answered, "I'm single, but what's with the sudden change of topic, one minute we're discussing philosophy and the next you've moved on to personal lives." I had meant for my tone to be joking, but he seemed to take it as rude,

"No reason, I just wondered if that's why you watched them so much." He said defensively.

"Fair enough" I said with a light smile. When Edward realized that I was going to let it go he smiled again, lighting up his angel's face with a radiance that almost made him glow, he had never looked so beautiful. I blushed a deep red, as embarrassing as it was, that single thought had just confirmed that I definitely felt something for this stranger. Edward bit his lip, clearly trying to think of something that could steer the conversation in a more casual direction. I decided to save him the trouble and thought of my own question,

"So, Edward, what's the rest of your heaven like?"

"I live in a 19 century mansion, and it's always a bit rainy and everything's green. I have a big forest and a little meadow for when I really want to think. Oh and I also have a huge piano, and a gigantic collection of books. What about you?" I smiled at how different our Heavens were and answered,

"I live in a little cottage, the weathers always bright and sunny and I have a huge library." Edward laughed,

"Wow, except for the library part our heavens seem like they're total opposites." I grinned, he was right after all, I guess opposites attract- well for me anyway, how Edward felt about me was still a mystery- and Edward continued, "I must say I'm surprised about your choice of heaven."

"Oh?" I questioned him, raising one eyebrow. It really wasn't polite to question a person's choice of heaven.

"I just mean that most people your age, from your time all seem to have the same type of heaven."

"And what type of heaven would that be Mr. Mason?"

"Well Ms. Swan" he teased back, "Most girls from your time have huge houses and malls, and they all go clubbing"

"Well I'm not into material possessions or fashion, and I like to avoid all social situations that involve attention, I happen to be extremely clumsy." I explained.

"You do know that you're in Heaven right, you could just wish not to be clumsy and you wouldn't be." I rolled my eyes, of course I knew that, and I had toyed with that very idea on numerous occasions,

"Yes I know, but if I got rid of my clumsiness I would be getting rid of one of the things that make me, me…besides even if I wasn't clumsy I still don't like loud music and clubbing." Now it was Edward's turn to raise an eyebrow,

"You don't seem like most people your age?" He made it a question, so I answered him,

"My mom always says-always said- I was born thirty-five years old and that I get-got- more middle-aged every year" I gave a forced laugh and added, "of course now I don't have to worry about getting older at all."

Edward smiled sadly, there wasn't any real reply for my statement, most people our age always resent that their lives were taken away so prematurely, although there were certainly those who had no qualms what so ever with the whole 'eternally young' thing. Edward sighed,

"I know how you feel, I've been stuck at seventeen for ninety years, its gotten old."

"It might have, but you haven't" I joked trying to lighten the mood. Edward just groaned,

"Bella, that is possibly the worst joke I've ever heard." I smiled, still on my mission,

"If that's the worst joke you've ever heard then you've clearly never heard this one: Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" he sighed, resigned.

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting cow w…"

"…Mooo" I interrupted him. Edward laughed sarcastically,

"You're right Bella, that, right there, was the worst joke ever."

"Well you would know, you've had over one hundred years to find it."

"Shoot me now." He groaned.

"Gladly." I said, smiling as I wished for a gun. A small revolver instantly appeared in my hand, and I aimed square at his forehead and shot him.

**Sorry its so short, I just thought this would be a fun place to end it. I wouldn't call it much of a cliffie, after all they're both ****already**** dead. All Bella's actions will be explained in the next chapter Please REVIEW, I'll update soon**

**E**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**This is Edwards POV on directly after the 'shooting'  
****Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

Edward's POV** (this POV starts just before she shoots him)**

I groaned as Bella cracked another awful joke, at first I had at least appreciated her effort to lighten the mood, but now it was just torture, "Shoot me now."

I watched Bella's eyes light up and wondered instantly what she was up to, "Gladly" she said, smiling as a look of concentration flashed across her face- the look a person gets when they're wishing for something. Almost instantaneously a revolver popped into her hands, and before I could even think about it she pulled the trigger and shot me in the head.

The bullet that would have killed me back on Earth rebounded off my forehead, and I felt only an annoying flicker of pain- kind of like a rubber band- still I was in shock and I yelled, "OW! I can't believe you just shot me!" Bella was, at this point rolling on the ground crying with laughter before recovering and smiled sweetly,

"You asked for it, besides, you know it was hilarious." She said, clearly unrepentant. I tried to stay mad at her, I really did, but I couldn't, how was I even supposed to try, when every time I looked at her I got shivers up my spine and the intense desire to kiss her.

"You're right, I did technically ask for it, although I think you'll have to give me a little while to get over the torment of my 'near death' experience before I find it 'hilarious'" I smiled at her to let her know I wasn't mad at her and continued, "I wonder how often people wish for a gun in Heaven." I was betting it was a very small number, but then Bella seems to be one of a kind.

"Probably not very often, and it wasn't near death, you were already dead." I was just going to nod, when I thought of something that could very possibly get me more quality time with Bella,

"You still owe me."

"I did shoot you." She said smiling, "so what do you want me to do?" When she said that a lot of images ran through my head, some very inappropriate for someone in Heaven to think of. I was going to have to watch myself; at least until I knew how she felt, hence I decided to let her decide,

"What do you think you should do?" I asked, Bella smiled again, perhaps even a little coyly,

"I wouldn't want to give you any ideas." She said, _too late Bella, too late_. Instead of suggesting she kiss me as I desperately wanted to do, I decided to just stick with my original goal of getting to spend more time with her,

"I'll tell you what, how about I sleep on it and get back to you later?"

"So you'll be seeing me later, will you?" she asked. CRAP, had I assumed too much, did she not want to see me again?

"Well you know, only if you want me to see you later." I said nervously.

"I'm fine with seeing you later Edward… although it does depend what kind of payback you have planned." I gave a small chuckle at her almost nervous expression,

"Oh don't worry, I promise it won't be anything worse than what you did to me."

"I shot you, how much worse can you possibly get?" she grumbled. Before I had a chanced to respond, she looked her watch- how strange, most people in heaven didn't have one of those, the whole eternal thing made them a little redundant- and gasped,

"Oh gosh Edward, I have to go and check in on my family." I had to control my face so that it didn't fall, I wanted to spend more time with Bella, but of course I understood why she needed to go. She had already explained to me how she felt about her family, from the sounds of things they were the most important things in her existence.

"Oh, okay Bella, can I meet you here tomorrow, same time?" _please say yes, please say yes, please say yes._ To my delight and relief, she beamed

"That sounds great Edward." She looked like she was about to leave when out of the blue she leaned in to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "See you tomorrow" she said, getting up and jogging away.

What the Hell was that?

Bella kissed me. She actually kissed me. What did that mean? Does she like me or is kissing people on the cheek just friendly thing for her?

I already knew how I felt about her of course, I knew from almost the second I saw her. I had 'existed' for almost a hundred years and I had never felt this way before.

I can't believe I actually like someone; I had just gone for a walk- hoping for some peace and quiet- and BAM. There she was, an angel. At first of course I was merely drawn in by Bella's beauty, but as I talked to her I realized it was something more, she was just so unique, so caring, so funny, so frank and just, WOW, so different.

Of course everyone in Heaven was _nice_, and essentially good, but that didn't mean they weren't irritating, nearly all the other girls my age in Heaven just threw themselves at me. Not Bella. I wonder how all the girls I had rejected over the years would feel if I told them that if they wanted me to like them then they needed to shoot me?

Bella was just so surprising, that's the thing about her. Sure I've only known her for all of an hour, but I already knew she wasn't the kind of girl who ever did what anyone expected of her.

**So what did you think? I don't think its my best unfortunately, but hopefully it cleared up any confusion about how Edward feels, in short he knows she's special and really likes her but he's not like eternally in love with her or anything. sorry its so short as well  
Please Review**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**This is Bella's POV after she leaves  
****Sorry I took so long with this chapter  
****The song for this chapter is Same Mistake by James Blunt  
****BTW don't you think that this song suits Chuck Bass from Gossip Girls so much with the whole drama about Blair?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

As I walked away from Edward I marveled at how much fun I had just had and congratulated myself on my brave act of kissing him, hopefully he can tell I'm interested and will ask me out tomorrow! What I should wear tomorrow? Will he kiss me?

I was suddenly startled by my thoughts, how stupid they were, how irrelevant. For a moment I had forgotten I was _dead_.

I started freaking out, who was this boy to make me forget something like that? When I had gotten up to leave Edward I had _wanted_ to stay, I didn't _want_ to check in on my family. What did that mean? I love my family more than anything and I wanted to stay with Edward. Did that mean I loved him? But how could I, I'd just met him. What was wrong with me?

I could feel the tears starting to slide down my cheeks and I broke out into a flat out sprint towards the lake. I reached it in no time at all- one of the greatest things about heaven, wish fulfillment- and knelt down beside the still water. I gazed into it and wished to see my mom.

If you watched people on Earth you could choose how to do it, some people had a special TV channel or something like that but I personally choose to see through this lake, it was kind of like a video was being projected onto the water.

I lent closer to the water and watched my mom make a cup of coffee. She picked up her mug and made her way back to the lounge room, brushing past the mantle on her way, past one of her many photos of me that adorned the house. She stopped and looked at the photo, running her finger down the frame, ancient grief overtaking her expression.

I broke down and the tears poured down on my face, creating ripples in the water.

"Oh mom, I'm so selfish. I'm thinking about some boy, and what I'll wear and you're miserable!" I burst into a fresh flood of guilt-induced tears and buried my face in my hands. I was shaking at this point and the only thing that made me attempt to compose myself was the fact that I needed to be with my mom. I pulled myself up and took shaky breaths. I leaned over the lake and returned to watching Renee.

By this time she was crying as well and it was killing me not to be able to comfort her. Renee's sobs became audible and I heard the familiar sigh of Phil's chair as he went over to her, he stood beside her, one hand around her shoulders.

"Renee, honey, its been three years, you need to accept that Bella's dead." He said softly.

"I can't, I can't." cried mom, shaking her head fervently. Phil took her into his chest and rubbed her back,

"Shh, shh, would Bella want you to cry over her?"

"NO, NO, I DON'T" I shouted, though I knew they couldn't hear me.

Renee whispered "no" and tried to calm herself down.

"Its okay, Bella's in a happier place" Phil reassured her.

_Happier Place my ass_

"She was just so young, she never even got to have a boyfriend." Wailed Renee.

"I know honey, I know"

At that I pulled myself away from the images projected onto the water, It was too much to take in, the confusion, the guilt the…happiness, that all of today's events had inspired. I walked back to my cottage and climbed into bed, in Heaven you didn't need to sleep but tonight I'd be grateful for the oblivion. Before I slept I thought back on Renee's conversation with Phil.

Renee had wished I could have had a boyfriend. I wonder what she'd think of Edward? I guess it'll be a while before I ever find out. But what I did know was that the only thing that consoled Renee was the assumption that I was happier now, Surely she wouldn't begrudge me if I was to spend more time with Edward, surely she would want me to be happy, to have as normal a life as being dead would allow.

**PLEASE REVIEW **

**E**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Thanks heaps to everyone who reviewed!  
I feel so bad about my slow updating, I've had school…aw hell the truth is that I was being lazy (although I also had to rewrite this chapter) . But school finishes in a week and so I'll have more time to write hopefully (and less excuses not to)  
****Edward's POV of the next day**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

I ran my hands over the piano again and added another note to my current composition. It was a good thing that I never needed to sleep because there was no way I would have been able to even if it was necessary, I was far too excited by the prospect of seeing Bella to concentrate on anything but her, to do anything but think about her.

Since I got home I had written page after page of music, all inspired by Bella, my fingers ached from constant playing and I had filled by bin three times over with failed attempts. In the end though I had ended up with a dozen or so pieces, all better than anything I'd ever written before.

It was amazing, I had met her just yesterday but already my whole existence had improved because of Bella. I had decided that today I needed to ask Bella on a date and I needed some help with what to do. Thus I decided to call Emmett and Jasper, my only two real friends who had not yet moved to Contentment, (and not for lack of trying either. Every year they tried to go to Contentment and every year they were denied entry, clearly they were missing something.) They were both pretty 'experienced' with girls, although neither was in a serious relationship.

I got out my phone and dialed their number** (they share a house)**

"Emmett speaking" said a deep voice.

"Emmett, hi, its Edward."

"Oh hi Edward, what's up" he said, surprised that I called. I guess I don't blame him; I tend to be a bit of a recluse.

"Emmett I need some help."

"Yeah, okay mate, what do you need?"

"I need to ask this girl out and I'm not sure how to go about it."

At that Emmett started to howl with laughter, "Good one Edward…you… ask out a girl…hahaha."

I gritted my teeth, "I'm serious Emmett" I ground out.

Emmett immediately stopped laughing and was dead silent for a second "oh" he finally said, " Jasper and I will be over in just a sec." Emmett hung up without even saying goodbye.

* * *

I so shouldn't have asked Jasper and Emmett's help, they stayed at my place for a couple of hours, ten minutes of which were spent with me ranting about Bella, ten minutes offering helpful 'asking out' tips and the rest them laughing at my pathetic inablility to grow some balls and stop freaking out whenever Bella was mentioned and I quote: "acting like a little girl, _she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not. She loves me not…NOOOO_" – that little gem was from Emmett.

Despite their merciless teasing I eventually came up with a plan of how I should ask her out, although I was forced to come up with it myself as I didn't think that complementing her ass (as suggested by Emmett) would get me anywhere. The only helpful hint that Jasper was able to offer was, 'try not to seem like a cold, arrogant loser like you normally do Edward'- thanks Jasper, thanks.

Eventually it was time to meet up with Bella and I finally had an excuse to kick the others out. I sprinted to the place we had met up, and waited for Bella.

* * *

10 minutes later and I was starting to freak out a little, she wasn't late by much but I couldn't help but think she'd stood me up. I blinked and when my eyes flew open again, there she was before me, a vision in blue, her hair cascading down her back, lips looking even glossier than usual and her eyelashes long.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, my friends Rosalie and Alice insisted on doing my make up before I came today" I took her hand and led her to sit down on the grass.

"Its okay, you look beautiful by the way" Bella blushed a deep pink and looked down, her hair falling over her eyes as she did so. I reached over tentatively to sweep it behind her ear. This only made Bella blush an even deeper red. I muttered a "sorry" although I wasn't at all. Bella's face was too beautiful to hide, and the way her hair felt against my fingers…

Bella whispered "its okay" softly, yanking me out of my thoughts/fantasies instantly. Something in my expression must have been amusing because Bella let out a short peal of laughter- different to the hysterics that had overtaking her when she shot me yesterday- Bella covered her mouth, still laughing "I'm sorry Edward…you just looked so funny…like you were in your own little world until I spoke…and then when I did, it was as if that world had just blown up."

And in a way she was right, because in my world Bella was mine and in this world I hadn't even man'd up asked Bella out yet. I was just so nervous, what if I blew it, scared her off. Maybe it would be safer to just stay friends with her until I knew how she felt. I brushed the thought aside, no use wasting the time I had with Bella worrying about things like that. Instead I asked her questions, desperate to know more about her.

I discovered she hated the rain, sport of any kind was her mortal enemy, that her favorite colour was green- for some unfathomable reason she blushed at that revelation- her favorite fruit was mango, food, chocolate, she liked dogs not cats and was extremely ticklish (a fact I filed away for future use).

We chatted away about everything and anything, I told her about everything I'd been up to in Heaven and she recounted some funny stories from both her time on Heaven and Earth. Every time she spoke about Earth her eyes would take on this faraway, heartbreaking look and it was clear just how much she missed it and resented being dead. Nether the less she ignored the pain it was clearly causing her and told me all about her life, except when her family was mentioned. She'd be in the middle of some story and then all of the sudden trail off, looking even more miserable than before. She missed her parents it was physically painful for her just to talk about them.

Hopefully in time she'll be ready to talk about her feelings and let someone heal her wounds, and hopefully, in time I'll be the one she'll talk to.

Bella must have noticed that I was off in a daydream because she stopped recounting the story about the time she broke her arm while at Disney Land, "I'm sorry Edward, I must be boring you"

"No, not at all" I hurriedly assured her. She gave me a skeptical look "really Bella, keep going, it was just getting good." And so she smiled and begun again…

Eventually Bella heaved herself up,

"Sorry Edward, I've got to go see my family and stuff. I had a great time though."

"Me too Bella" She smiled at me and started to walk away,

"See you Edward." I watched her walk away from me, her hips swaying just a little and all of the sudden, without even thinking about it blurted out,

"Hey Bella, will you go out with me?"

CRAP, that was not the plan. Bella's face looked shocked,

"Edward…I…"

Sorry about the cliff hanger, please review

**Just so its clear Emmett and Rosalie haven't met, and neither have Alice and Jasper (yet)**

**Please don't be annoyed at how much Edward likes Bella already, he's a pretty intense guy **

**By the way I know I used the word 'mate' when Edwards talking to Emmett on the phone and I know it's a really colloquial expression so sorry about that, what can I say I'm Australian, I tried to change it to 'man' but I didn't like it as much.  
****Hope you didn't mind. I'm generally pretty good at making my expressions American, I even write 'mom' instead of 'mum'- the Australian spelling.**

**E**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6  
****This is Bella's POV  
****Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

"Hey Bella, will you go out with me?" he asked as I hurried to the lake.

I didn't know what to say, of course I _wanted_ to say yes, so badly, but I _needed_ to say no.

Edward had been alone for so long and the first chance he has to date someone and have some fun, and he picks me! A small part of me is flattered; of the hundreds of girls he must have met he picks me, but mainly I felt awful. I knew that I was bad for him, I was still bitter about my death, and very attached to Earth.

Today when I was talking to him about my life it made me realize just how broken I was, I couldn't even talk about it without the hole in my heart that had been there since I died aching. There is always a part of me wondering what everyone on Earth was doing now, what I would be doing if I was still alive

Alice and Rose accused me of being addicted to watching my family and they were right. Sometimes when I was with Edward I would forget all that, but not for long, that burning masochistic desire to watch even though I couldn't interact, was still there, and probably always would be.

It was in no way fair for me to allow myself to be with Edward no matter how much I wanted to, I would always put him second, never give all of myself to him, I would always be broken. Edward deserved better, he deserved to be first, to have fun.

But Oh God, how I wanted to be whole, to be better, to have him. The selfish part of me was screaming SAY YES, SAY YES, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, SAY YES. But there was a bigger part of me that knew I could never really be happy if I was making Edward miss out on what he deserved.

I opened my mouth to refuse his request, but couldn't find the words.

"Edward…I…I…I just…just" I bit my lip, still searching my mind for something to say, I couldn't just say no, I had to explain, "I _want_ to say yes…I just don't think I'd be very much fun to date"

Edward's jaw drops and he runs over to where I'm standing, "Bella, that's ridiculous, I have more fun with you than I've ever had with anyone before. " he says. I crumple to the floor, tears now rolling down my cheeks. Edward sits besides me, one arm around my shoulders, the other gently wiping my tears away.

"Edward, you don't understand, I'm broken, completely screwed up" he opens his mouth to protest but I cut him off, "I'm still attached to Earth, still bitter about my death…" this time Edward cuts me off,

"Bella, none of that matters to me, I want you, and nothing you say can change that."

"But Edward, you deserve better, you deserve someone who's normal, someone perfect."

Edward rocks me back and forth slowly, rubbing relaxing circles on my back, "Bella, you are perfect, perfect for me. You just need help coming to terms with your death." I knew he was right- well about the last part anyway- but I shook my head stubbornly. Edward sighed, "you're so stubborn" I cracked a smile in spite of myself and watched his eyes light up in response.

Then, without warning he took my face in his hands and bent his head down, "you're perfect" he said before gently pressing his lips against mine. Well that was it, I couldn't think anymore, all I could feel was his warm and firm lips against mine. Edward pulled away, "I want you" he said leaning in again, I knew now was the time to protest but what the hell, I wanted to feel him again, feel the real version of heaven again. Our lips moved slowly together, I felt as though I was soaring, I could hardly feel the ache in my chest that had been my constant companion for the last three years.

When we finally broke apart we just sat there grinning for a while. But slowly I could feel reality creeping up on me, could feel that ache in my chest again, and could remember all my reasons for needing to reject Edward. "Edward…" Edward saw what I was about to do and cut me off for the second time today,

"Bella, remember when you shot me?"

"Yes" I answered confused, it was after all a very off topic question.

"Remember how you still owe me"

"Um, yes"

"Well, I've decided that you have to date me." He stated. I had already been struggling with my resolve and that was the final straw, if he was that desperate I really had no other choice.

"Fine" I sighed as though I wasn't ecstatic to be dating him.

Edward chortled, "Please, as if you're not totally euphoric to be dating me" he said with a smirk.

"You wish" I replied, ignoring the fact that he was right.

"Mmm" he said, before catching my lips in another kiss.

**So they finally got together, well actually it was only 2 days, but it felt like longer to me. Hope it lived up to your expectations.  
****Please review  
****E**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**This is Bella's POV  
****Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

I broke the kiss gently, "Edward, I've gotta go." I reminded him.

"No" he whined, "stay with me." His emerald eyes pleaded with me, and I felt my resolve waver. As usual though the need to see my family won over and I laughed.

"Nice try pretty boy. I'm going." I kissed his cheek and stood up to go again.

"Wait!" Edward cried, "I need your number."

I wished for a piece of paper with my number on it to appear and flicked it at him, "Call me" I said as I walked away.

Once out of Edward's presence I could feel the effects of his presence wearing off. I went from calm and comforted to suddenly sober in a matter of seconds and sped up my pace to a run until I reached the lake.

I kneeled next to the still water and wished to see Charlie. I braced myself for the all too common image of Charlie watching sports, surrounded by pizza boxes and aging photos of me and Renee, but was pleasantly surprised. Instead I found him at a restaurant with…I peered closer to recognize Sue Clearwater. Sue's husband had died a year or so ago, and it looked like they had bonded over grief. I examined Charlie's expression closer; he looked extremely nervous, constantly fiddling with his tie, but there was a light to his eyes I hadn't seen in years. It looked like this was more than a dinner between friends, perhaps it was a date?  
I smiled at the thought, it would be nice if Charlie could have someone to keep him company, to cook him meals, to love him now that I couldn't. I decided to watch Renee for a while, I couldn't help but feel I was intruding on their date. I found mom curled up an armchair reading a book, a look of intense concentration on her face. I felt a sudden urge to talk to mom, something I hadn't done for a while now. So even though I felt like a bit of an idiot I started talking,

"Hey mom, how are you?" I started off awkwardly, having a conversation didn't really work when the other person couldn't hear or see you, so I decided to talk kind of as if I was writing in a diary.

"So I met this boy. His name is Edward Mason, and you'd really like him mom, he's good looking and polite and friendly and well…really perfect, everything you always wanted for me." Renee smiled and I decided to pretend that it was because of what I was saying rather than the fact that she'd reached a particularly amusing point in her sci-fi novel.

" He asked me out today and I gave him my number. I'm so excited mom, but also really worried. I mean he's _so_ great and I'm just not. I can't be what he deserves, I can't be. He says I'm perfect and that he'll help me with the whole 'coming to terms with your death thing' but I don't think he can. I mean I've been dead for three years, that's way longer than it takes most people, and Alice and Rosalie have tried to help before but it's done nothing."  
I realized that I'd started to cry and decided to do the whole 'positive thinking' thing that everyone's always going on about.

"But I mean, maybe I can get better. I guess I've never really tried before you know? Cause I liked watching over you guys' mom, there wasn't anything better to do. I mean there still isn't, but spending time with Edward sure comes close. If I give it a go I guess there's no reason I won't get better. And how good would that be, I'd be happy, Edward would be happy. Hell, I might actually get close to Heaven. "

"Good on you honey" says Renee and I pretend she isn't talking to Buffy.

"See you tomorrow mum."

I pulled away from the vision across the lake and start to walk home. Normally I spent a lot more time watching mom, but I've got a lot on my mind and something tells me I need to discuss it with someone who can actually respond. So instead of going straight home I take a detour and make my way to Alice and Rosalie's mansion- an exact replica of Cher's in Clueless.

"Alice, Rose, get your butts here now" I yelled. They instantly appear,

"Hi to you too Bella" greeted an amused Alice.

"This better be important Bella, I was just about to go dancing" said a decidedly less amused Rosalie.

"Well, if you'd rather go dancing than hear about how Edward asked me out, you can go right ahead." I replied, pretending to be offended.

"HE DID WHAT!" screamed Alice and Rosalie almost instantaneously as they dragged me to the couch, Alice practically bouncing up and down.

"Well, I was just leaving, you know, to see mom and dad, when all of the sudden he goes 'hey, Bella, will you go out with me'…"

"Did you scream YES and jump into his arms and then kiss him, and then it started to rain but you didn't care and you just kept kissing and kissing and kissing, until you finally decided to come and tell your best friends about it…" interrupted Alice, who looks so excited she might actually burst.

I laughed at how wrong she was, "No Alice. I actually tried to reject him."

"WHAT!" screamed Rosalie, "Oh please Bella, tell me you're being sarcastic."

"Why" wailed Alice.

"Because he deserves so much more than I can give him right now." I explained.

"Bella." Seethed Rosalie, trying to calm herself down, " Pleeaassee tell me he didn't accept that pathetic excuse."

"Actually" I said, trying to contain my happiness, "he made me go out with him anyway." Alice and Rosalie's jaws fell open; they of all people know how stubborn I could be when I'd made up my mind.

"How the hell did he manage that?" asked an astonished Alice.

"Well first he told me that I was perfect for him and that he'd help me overcome all my issues. And then he kissed me…" I could tell that Alice and Rose where dying to interrupt, but I wasn't about to let them, "and then after that he said I owed him after shooting him yesterday."

"Oh. My. God. This Edward must be a miracle worker to make you change your mind." Said Rose.

"Well he is insanely handsome, once you look into his eyes, he's very hard to resist. Besides its not like I wanted to reject him." I tried to explain.

"I'm still trying to understand that Bella, explain exactly why you felt you had to." Said Alice gently.

And so I spilled my guts, explaining, for what felt like the hundredth time today, how I felt.

"…and I just feel so selfish, you know?" I finished.

"Bella, honey, that's ridiculous…you're not quite as bad as you think you are, nobody's perfect. Edward knows what he's getting himself into, he wouldn't have asked you out if he didn't want to." Comforted Rosalie.

"Its time to be happy for once Bella." Affirmed Alice.

"Thanks you guys" I whispered.

"What are friends for, if not to tell their friend when she's being ridiculous?" asks Rosalie rhetorically.

"Makeovers of course!" answers Alice, which made me laugh hysterically, although he thought of makeovers usually inspires terror.

**I know not much happened in this chapter, so sorry, consider it a filler.  
****I wont be able to update until at least the 9****th**** cause I'm going camping. On the plus side I'll bring my laptop and hopefully get a lot written.  
****PLEASE REVIEW with any thoughts on the story or what you think should happen next.**

**E**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8  
****This chapter changes POV so I'll indicate at change  
****Also this chapter is more than twice as long as usual  
****Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

Bella's POV

I was sitting on Alice and Rose's chair waiting for my nail polish to try- I had been subject to one of their dreaded makeovers- when all of the sudden my phone rang. Oh. My. God. It must be Edward; the only other people who would ever ring me are sitting in the same room.

"OMG, he didn't even wait three days to call you Bella, he must really like you." Squealed Alice.

I shushed her exasperatedly as I answered my phone, taking a second so that I could sound calm and collected on the phone, rather than emotional, flustered, and, lets be honest, really excited.

"Hello?"

"Hi Bella, its Edward." His smooth voice almost had me swooning right there, but I tried to remain aloof, he didn't need the ego boost of rendering me speechless.

"Edward, hi."

"Um, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?"

"That sounds great…" I was about to discuss details with him when Alice grabbed the phone off me, put it on speakerphone and started to talk.

"Edward, Hi. It's Alice speaking, one of Bella's best friends!"

"Oh, um, hi."

" So, are you taking Bella to dinner?"

"Yes…" you could tell Edward was as baffled by this turn of events as I was.

"Well I want to come." stated Alice.

"No offence…Alice, but I was thinking it could just be Bella and I."

"Edward, don't be silly. I want to meet you, and so does Rosalie."

"Well, Alice, I think that'd be a little awkward don't you, I'm sure we can meet some other time." Poor Edward didn't yet understand that there was no point trying to reason with Alice; which was the reason I hadn't bothered protesting when she stole my phone and then proceeded to invite herself to our date.

"No Edward it wont be awkward, I'm sure you have a couple of friends you can bring and then it can be like a triple date!"

"But Alice, I really don't want a triple date, I want a date with Bella." Edward hadn't given up and I decided to save him some time.

"Edward." I called, "I completely agree with you, but there's no point protesting, what Alice wants, Alice will get."

"Really?" asked a clearly disappointed Edward.

"REALLY!!" squealed Alice once she smelled victory.

"So do you have a couple of friends you can bring?" chimed in Rosalie.

"Yeah, my friends Emmett and Jasper can come." Said Edward, "wait who is this?"

"Its Rosalie."

"Oh, hi…um can I just talk to Bella for a second?"

I snatched the phone off Alice and took it off speakerphone,

"Yes you can. You're off speakerphone by the way." I said as I glared at Alice and mouthed, 'no makeovers for a month'. Seeking privacy I got up and walked outside.

"Are your friends always so…"

"Enthusiastic? Crazy? Annoying? Controlling? Stubborn?" I offered.

Edward laughed, "Yeah, at least one of those."

"Well pick your adjective, but the short answer is yes. They're really great friends but they can get a little crazy, Alice more so than Rosalie." I answered.

Again Edward chuckled "They seem a lot like my friends, Emmett more so than Jasper."

"Well, I look forward to meeting them."

"Yeah, me too, but really only because it means I'll be there too, and I cant wait to see you."

Man this boy was smooth, it was hard to believe it was the first time he'd used that line.

"Do you use that line on all the ladies?"

"Only the beautiful ones." Answered Edward good-naturedly; he knew I was kidding.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah, where should us boys pick you ladies up?"

I reeled off Alice and Rose's address, "Wait, where are you taking us?"

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out later I'll pick you up at seven o'clock."

"What should we wear?"

"Something nice, you know, dress, high heels, that kind of thing." My eyes went wide.

"Are high heels a prerequisite? Cause if they are I'm liable to frequent accidents."

"I'm open to alternatives." Laughed Edward, "really Bella, wear what you want."

"I'll probably wear heels anyway, I've given up pretending that I'm ever in control of what I wear, that's Alice and Rosalie's job."

Edward chuckled and then I could hear some scuffling over the phone. "Bella, I'm so sorry, but I have to go, Emmett's having an emergency somehow involving chickens and glue."

I stifled a laugh at Edward's serious tone regarding a seemingly humorous situation. "Okay, I'll let you go. See you at seven."

"See you tomorrow Bella." Promised Edward.

* * *

The Next day

* * *

At Alice and Rose's Mansion

* * *

"Bella, you can not wear those shoes with that dress." criticized Rosalie.

"But Rose, these are the only comfortable shoes I own." I whined.

"Bella, remember you're _dead_." I gasped, of course I knew that, but it was extremely bad taste for Rose to remind me, besides which, what did that have to do with the shoes I wore.

"Rosalie, What the Hell?"

Rose held her hands up in mock surrender, "Whoa, Bella, I just mean that a) you can just wish that high heels where comfortable for you, and they would be. And b) you could wish for another pair of shoes that are comfortable and match. And this is because you are DEAD, and thus in HEAVEN."

"Oh, right." I said as I looked down at my feet and wished for shoes that matched my navy blue dress.

Just as I did this Alice walked down the stairs wearing a yellow bubble dress that matched her pale skin perfectly and clapped her hands together. "Okay, girls. The boys will be here in exactly five minutes, so its time for a checklist. Dress?" she called.

"Check." I called.

"Check." called Rosalie as she looked down as if to confirm that she was still wearing her red mini-dress.

"Matching shoes?" yelled Alice

"Check."

Check."

"Purse?"

"Check."

"Check."

"Okay ladies we're good to go." Announced Alice.

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

At Jasper and Emmett's Penthouse

* * *

Edward's POV

I fiddled with my tie again and nervously went over the details of the night- I had reserved a table at the most renowned restaurant in all of Heaven, gotten flowers for each of the girls and drilled Jasper and Emmett on how they had to make a good impression on Bella and her friends.

"Okay." Jasper clapped his hands together, "we have to pick the girls up in ten minutes, so its time for a checklist. Suits?"

"Check." I said, holding a smile back- Jasper had died in World War II and never quite got over the whole military thing.

"Check." said Emmett, pretending to look for his suit.

"Tidy hair?" asked Jasper- a direct insult to my always-unruly hair. Emmett said it looked like sex hair, which was supposedly ironic- 'dirty hair for a pure man' apparently.

"Check." said Emmett, running his hands through his –for once- tamed curls.

"Impossible." I called.

"Flowers?" said Jasper.

"Check." I said.

"Check." Emmett yelled, as he brandishing his flowers.

"Manners?" I cut in.

"Check." said Jasper

"Check." agreed Emmett dejectedly.

"Alright men- we are ready to fly the coop- affirmative?" called Jasper.

"Affirmative Sir" Emmett and I called as we snapped to attention.

Jasper laughed, "sorry I couldn't resist."

"Well come on." Said Emmett, getting into the spirit of the whole 'on a mission thing' "lets go, go, go" he ushered us out the door.

We rushed out the door and piled into Emmett's jeep. We rarely had use for the cars but in this case because we wanted to keep our destination secret we couldn't get the girls to wish themselves there, and we couldn't wish them their ourselves because it was part of the 'own free will thing'- think Bruce Almighty.

Thankfully the car is an inanimate object and hence we were able to get to the address Bella had given me almost instantly.

As we pulled up I was surprised, this mansion looked nothing like the small cottage Bella had once described to me.

"Oh my gosh, it looks just like Cher's house in Clueless!" said Emmett; in what I hope was mock enthusiasm.

We walked up to the house together, flowers in tow, I was a little hesitant, had we gotten the wrong address, had Bella given me the wrong address? Had she done that on purpose?

I rang the doorbell and jiggled one leg impatiently. To my immediate relief it was Bella who swept the door open. My breath was taken away; she looked even more radiant than she ever. She was wearing a navy blue dress that highlighted her figure perfectly, it went down to just above her knees, had a V-neck that went down to just below her bust –not that I was looking- and was secured with diamonds. Her hair tumbled down her shoulders and she looked as angelic and fresh faced as she normally did, with just a touch of make-up.

I had obviously been staring for a little to long because she soon spoke nervously,

"What's the matter? Am I over dressed, cause I can get changed."

"No Bella, you're…perfect, absolutely gorgeous." At that Bella blushed a beautiful pink,

"Thanks" she muttered.

It wasn't until that point that I remembered that Jasper and Emmett were waiting to be introduced, which was strange because I would have thought that they would have made some idiotic comment by now. As I looked at them I realized the reason for their silence; they were both staring at Bella's friends- who I only noticed then- Emmett at a statuesque blond and Jasper at a elfin girl, with short spiky hair and an excited expression on her face –I guessed this was Alice.

"Oh, sorry Bella, this is Emmett and Jasper." I introduced.

"Oh, right, this is Rosalie and Alice." From the tone of her voice I guessed that Bella had also forgotten her friends. After that there was a bit of confusion as everyone tried to shake each other's hands, Emmett lunging straight for Rosalie's, and Jasper Alice's despite the fact that Bella had been ready to shake Jaspers, and I Rosalie's.

As we waited for each couple to finish their little 'moment' we exchanged a bemused smile. Eventually though the introductions were complete, the flowers were given and we were ready to go.

As I took Bella's hand and led her to the jeep I remembered to ask a question that had been on my tongue since I last saw her, "Bella, are you okay." I mean, I had managed to convince her to go out with me, which I knew she wanted to do, but I also knew that she still felt terrible about it- something I couldn't believe. To see in so much pain because of me was excruciating, but really I think facing everything that was going on for her was the first step to getting better,

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, Edward, I'm so sorry about how I reacted, I mean I still think I'm right, but I definitely over-reacted, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." Yet again Bella managed to startle me, I knew she was in so much pain, but here she was, thinking of me instead of herself.

"No, Bella, its fine, you didn't hurt my feelings. I understand completely where you're coming from, even if I in no way agree with you." I reassured. She gave me a thankful smile and by this point we were at the Jeep. As I helped Bella into the monstrosity and grumbled about how my Volvo was so much better, I could hear Rosalie ask about the type of engine it used. I didn't need to see Emmett's expression to picture it, wide eyed, shocked and in love. Emmett had always said the only thing that was missing from women was an interest in cars.

Because it was Emmett's 'car' he was the one who would be driving, and thus Rosalie rode shotgun. It was already clear that everyone had coupled off. I said as much to Bella when I squeezed next to her. She laughed, agreed, and expressed a hope that this would mean less time for makeovers.

"Okay, everyone ready to go?" boomed Emmett.

"Yep." Said Jasper. Emmett hadn't exactly waited for Jaspers reply and we roared off to the restaurant.

* * *

Bella's POV

As we sped along to…where ever we were going I suddenly felt a blindfold cover my eyes,

"HEY!" all three of as girls yelled at once.

"Sorry girls, but we want where we're going to be a surprise until we get there, so please don't wish your blindfolds away." Emmett yelled from behind the wheel.

I turned blindly to my left- where Edward was sitting "Edward, do I have to wear this?" I pleaded, pouting.

"Sorry Bella. Trust me, its worth the surprise."

"It better be." I threatened; after all I hated surprises, something that Edward had found out during his repetitive questioning earlier in the week.

"Would I lie to you?" he whispered in my ear, sending a shiver up my spine.

"No." I whispered. I heard a throat being cleared and suddenly remembered that Edward and I weren't alone. I could feel him move back away from me. The rest of the drive, which was thankfully short, was spent in an awkward silence; not being able see really limited conversation.

"We're here." Announced Edward as we pulled up. After Rosalie, Alice and I had been carefully helped out of the jeep it was announced that the blindfolds could come off, although I let Edward untie it rather than wishing it away. As I gazed at the restaurant in front of me I couldn't help but gasp. It was Twilight, the most prestigious restaurant in all of Heaven. It was all free of course, but the waiting lists meant that it was always ridiculously hard to get into. They claimed the secret was that everything was homemade and not just wished up. It was high end, but not too fancy, in other words, perfect!

"Edward, how did you get a table here?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, lets just say I know some people."

"Come on lets get this show on the road, I'm starving!" announced Emmett.

**Next chapter- the date.  
PLEASE REVIEW  
E**


	9. A poem that suits this story not mine

**Disclaimer: this poem is not my work  
****No this isn't a chapter but I just found this poem on  
****/carlysquestions/blog/poem-heaven-isnt-heaven-137840/  
****And thought it really suited the story and thought I'd share it with you guys **

_**Heaven isn't Heaven**_

_Heaven isn't heaven without you.__  
__My soul is light and my heart heavy.__  
__I can see you everyday,__  
__Going about your business,__  
__Struggling forward, moving on.__  
__I am proud of your strength.__  
__I am so proud of my family.__  
__I can see you, but I can't reach out to you.__  
__And I miss you so desperately.__  
__I am glad for your strength__  
__In going on without me,__  
__I am not sure I could do the same,__  
__If it had been you, instead of me.__  
__I am always thinking of you,__  
__Always with you.__  
__I want to comfort you when you are sad,__  
__When you are crying and screaming and silent,__  
__But I can't.__  
__So I watch you comfort each other.__  
__I watch you be brave and move forward,__  
__Look ahead to the future,__  
__And I am happy to see you go on,__  
__And sad I can't be there at the same time.__  
__I can't be with you in body,__  
__But I am with you in spirit.__  
__Always.__  
__I know you can go on with your life without me.__  
__Pushing forward.__  
__I know it hurts you to do it,__  
__But it is ok.__  
__Take comfort in the fact that I am no longer suffering.__  
__Take comfort in the fact that I am at peace.__  
__I am always with you.__  
__No matter where you are or who you are with.__  
__Never feel guilty for living when I am not,__  
__Because I am moving forward too.__  
__Moving forward through you,__  
__And missing you,__  
__And loving you all the same.__  
__Love is endless and timeless.__  
__Death does not challenge it.__  
__And those passed before continue to live__  
__Through the love they've shared with you._

_**Posted by **__carlysquestions on 2008-08-14 09:03:30 __**Rating**__: __**Views: 43**_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**I decided to do Bella's POV of the date, and also the POV's of the other characters (Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper's) of the whole night. I know there's not much detail in the date;I just feel like we've seen enough interaction of Edward and Bella for a while and that there'd be nothing unique about it- I don't want my story to become a pile of boring fluff (if its already that PM me!)  
****This chapter changes POV so I'll indicate at change**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)**

Bella's POV

It was official; Edward was completely perfect. I mean I already knew that, but now I could add another reason why to my list; he was perfect at organizing first dates/get to know each others friends dates!

Twilight was definitely the perfect place to do go, it wasn't overcrowded and loud but at the same time it didn't feel as though everyone in the building could hear what you're saying. We all sat in a booth and ordered our food, all of which sounded really good. I couldn't decide between the gourmet pizza and the mushroom ravioli so I made Edward choose for me. He suggested the mushroom ravioli, and the minute I tried the first piece I knew Edward had made the right choice; yet another thing to add to my ever growing list- THINGS THAT MAKE EDWARD PERFECT.

Of course at the very beginning of the date Rosalie and Alice had bombarded Edward with questions while I exchanged pleasantries with Jasper and Emmett but mainly we were like three separate couples in the same area; Edward and me, Emmett and Rosalie and Alice and Jasper.

"I'm sorry if this is all a bit much." Said Edward out of the blue, waving his hand around to indicate he meant the restaurant.

"What do you mean Edward? This place is great!" I was shocked that he could possibly think this date was anything less than perfect.

"Really? You don't think I went a little overboard?"

"No, no" I reassured, "its perfect."

Edward let out a sigh of relief, "oh good, I just really wanted Alice and Rosalie to like me, so I think I overdid it a little."

I raised my eyebrows, "you wanted Alice and Rose to like you? What about me?" I asked in mock anger.

Edward laughed, "Oh, I just assumed I'd already won you over with my devilish good looks, rapier wit and irrepressible charm." He joked. I laughed to, although all of those things were on THINGS THAT MAKE EDWARD PERFECT- yes it was an actual list I had taken the liberty of writing down.

That whole night with Edward was perfect, and it was so cute watching the other couples; Emmett and Rose were talking intimately the whole time, but I noticed that Alice looked a little dejected about something, Jasper too looked disappointed as he appraised Alice. That came as a real surprise to me, because I thought those too would really hit it off, it was obvious that they liked each other, so I couldn't help but wonder what was going on.

I didn't dwell on it for too long obviously, why would I when I have the greatest man of all time sitting across from me?

The time passed amazingly fast and before I knew it, it was time for the boys to drop us back home at Alice and Rose's.

The boys all got out of the jeep to say good bye to us,

"I had so much fun Edward." I said, meaning every word, "we should do this again sometime."

"Be my girlfriend?" Edward blurted out. I had to smile, it was so funny, on ordinary occasions Edward was so good with words but it seemed in situations like this he couldn't even form a proper sentence.

"Of course I will." I said in answer to his question, "maybe next time you can see my house."

Edward looked suddenly confused, "isn't this your house?"

Now I actually laughed out loud, I had described my cottage pretty thouourghly to Edward, and the idea that he could ever think this mansion was mine was hilarious. "Of course not silly, this is Alice and Rosalie's place. Seriously, you thought this was my 'humble woodsy cottage'?"

"I was a little taken aback at first." He admitted sheepishly.

"Edward, hurry up and say good-bye to your girlfriend." Called Emmett, who apparently wasn't really that great in the tact department.

Instead of saying goodbye and leaving Edward leaned in gently, kissing me softly. It was a kiss that promised more in the near future, obviously the time was not now; not surrounded by our close friends.

"Goodbye" Edward said, his voice a little lower than normal.

"Goodbye" I squeaked.

* * *

Emmett's POV

I couldn't believe Edward had dragged me on his date, I mean I could be playing video games right now, but no, instead I have to be nice to some random chick- Edward owed me big time. We pulled up to the address that this Bella girl had given Edward, and walked up to the door.

Edward rang the bell and didn't stop jiggling on one leg until a brunette girl opened the door. I assumed by the way that Edward's jaw hung open that this was Bella.

I couldn't pay much attention, however to Bella, because behind her approached a beautiful blond. OH MY GOD! She was wearing a red mini dress, which showed off her killer figure, and as she saw me she stopped and gave a wide smile. Her features were delicate but distinctive and her blue eyes sparkled. What shocked me was that I didn't just appreciate her figure, but I wanted to get to know her. She looked like someone I would get along with. She seemed strong and independent, but at the same time I could sense vulnerability in her eyes.

I could vaguely hear Edward introduce Jasper and I, but I was too busy staring at the blonde to really listen. I only tuned in when the Bella girl introduced them; Rosalie. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I lunged for her hand and gripped it tightly,

"Hi, I'm Emmett."

"Rosalie." She replied with the confident voice of a women who knew just how smokin' hot she was.

Some other stuff happened and before I knew it we were at the jeep.

"So Emmett, what kind of engine does this jeep use? 6 cylinder?" she enquired sweetly. HOLY GUACAMOLE! She just showed an interest in cars! She knows something about cars! It was like I'd died and gone to heaven, but you know, again.

I think I'm in love.

I stuttered an answer to her question, " Uhuh, yeah, 6 cylinder. So, you know cars?"

"Oh totally, I love cars. I fix engines and drive most places. I mean I know it's faster just to wish yourself there, but cars are so much cooler, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I totally agree."

As I drove to the fancy-pants restaurant Edward insisted we go to I couldn't help but stare at Rosalie. More than once I would catch her gaze, and instead of breaking eye contact like most girls would, she stared right back, without blushing. And then once we got the blindfolds on the girls I watched as she complained, but eventually just sighed and resigned herself to blindness. She looked so hot in that mini-dress, and with the blindfold it was easy to get carried away in my fantasies… in an effort to distract to distract myself I focused on what the others were doing. Jasper was quietly whispering to a short girl who I swear I hadn't even noticed until then, and Edward looked like he was about to kiss Bella. I cleared my throat and broke them up purely out of envy, if I couldn't kiss Rosalie right now, then Edward couldn't kiss his girl either. I'd also have to keep an eye on Jasper and whatshername.

The restaurant totally blowed, it impressed Rosalie, which was good, but it was really boring as well, it was full of people being sensible and there wasn't even a karaoke bar- in other words a snooze fest. Everyone just chatted idly with one another and oohed and ahhed over the food.

I had a good talk to Rosalie and got to know her better; we were the same age, although she died about ten years sooner, and she was really sensitive about her death. She didn't want to tell me how she died, but being the complete idiot that I am I pressed her until she revealed the horrible truth; she was raped and murdered By her fiancé Royce King. I swear when I heard that I wanted to murder the bastard. Rosalie seemed to share this sentiment and said that until he died- obviously he went to hell- she used to take great pleasure in watching karma kick his ass.

* * *

Rosalie's POV

I was so excited about meeting Edward; he had brought about such a change in Bella that I had to find out what was so great about him.  
I heard the doorbell ring and Bella squealed- something very unlike her- and ran to get the door, tripping over herself in the process. She eventually opened the door to reveal someone I assumed was Edward.

He was definitely handsome, but I wasn't able to focus much on him, because standing behind Edward, was the hottest piece of ass I had ever seen! He was huge, with bulging muscles, but as I stared into his eyes I could tell that he was a really sweet guy; his eyes sparkled with the innocence of a child and as he smiled at me his dimples were evident. It was strange but in a way he reminded me of Vera's child, Henry.

Obviously the attraction was mutual, because when Edward introduced Emmett, he lunged for my hand. I mean, I wasn't exactly surprised that he was attracted to me, but it was nice all the same. You should have seen his face when I asked about the jeeps engine, it was total shock mixed with love, something I was used to, but coming from Emmett, it was so much more exciting. I swear, he spent so much time staring at me I almost asked if there was something on my face!

I have to say though I actually got along with Emmett, and I really felt safe with him. After Royce killed me I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy with most men, something I knew was silly but couldn't help. But with Emmett, I didn't feel that at all, it was as if I was sure that he would take the role of protector. This feeling was only re-enforced when I saw him visibly shake with anger at the mention of what Royce had done to me.

It was then that I knew he didn't just admire my body, or my interest in cars, he actually liked _me_. I felt this strange fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach, and by the time he was describing his death, I found my face screwed up in horror as he described the bear tearing at his flesh, him screaming in pain, and learning the lesson that that his strength wouldn't get him everything.

* * *

Alice's POV

I was so super excited to meet Edward! And Bella looked so pretty I couldn't wait to see his face. I never got to see his face though because as Bella opened the door to our place my eyes skipped straight over the bronzed haired guy I assumed was Edward, to rest on the tall blond behind him. This guy was totally hot. It was like 'OMG YUM!'

Edward, who I had to admit was gorgeous too introduced him as Jasper. _Sigh_, Jasper made him sound like a really gentleman. _Turn around, touch the ground, I bags Jasper_, I wanted to scream.

And then, when he spoke he had the cutest southern accent in the world! I soooo wanted to be his cowgirl!

But as the date progressed it didn't seem as though he was very interested, I mean of course he talked to me most of the time, but I think that was more because the other four were all coupled off and he was probably too much of a gentleman to exclude me. Besides you could tell he was forcing himself to talk to me.

It was kind of painful, I mean I really liked Jasper, it was such a shame, because when I first saw him it was as though I'd had a vision of us together, normally I was right about these kinds of things but I guess not in this instance.

So to cheer me up I turned my attention away from Jasper and focused on the other two couples, it was super cute! Rosalie was talking in raptures to a captivated Emmett, which was so strange, because normally if you don't know her like Bella and I do she's like an ice queen. I even heard her tell Emmett about her death, it took her like a year to tell me that story! Emmett, like most other men was of course totally in love with her, it was a match made in Heaven- literally actually. If those two didn't get together I would have to use some of my famous matchmaking skills. Ohh, project!

And Edward and Bella of course are totally in love, I mean this was meant to be a 'get to know Edward' date thing, but it was as if they'd gone off in their own little world. Watching those to flirt and stare at each other all night made me sure that if anyone could get Bella to open up about her problems and start getting help it would be Edward. And that was all I needed to know about him to know I thoroughly approved of their relationship.

At then end of the night Rosalie and Emmett exchanged numbers, Bella and Edward kissed; shyly but in a way that I could tell that had there not been other people there they would have been a whole lot more enthusiastic. Jasper just said bye.

* * *

Jasper's POV

When I first saw her it was like seeing an angel -abet a tiny one- which was fitting considering we were in Heaven. Alice, as I learned her name was, was absolutely radiant; energy and light seem to emanate from her very being. She was amazing, perfect.

So of course I screwed the whole thing up.

I was completely in awe of Alice, thus I was completely tongue tied, and despite my best efforts the conversation was awkward; I couldn't think of a thing to say and I felt as if I must be boring her. At first I thought she might be interested in me too, but as the night wore on she seemed to totally ignore me to watch the other two couples interact.

Was I that boring?

Normally I was a charismatic person but I couldn't change the atmosphere between us, it was clear, she thought of me as nothing but a friend, if that, I mean she was lovely about it, but it just seemed really clear.

Which was actually pretty devastating; I finally find the person that makes me think I might have a shot at Contentment; and she's not interested in me like that.

Why oh why did I agree to come with Edward; if only I'd said no, I could have saved myself from this pain. But then, I knew even if I could rewind time (which techniquely was possible) I wouldn't, because she already had such an unbreakable hold on me.

I wish I wasn't so masochistic.

* * *

**LOL, how emo is Jasper, I hope you guys thought the date was okay, I know I didn't explain it in much detail, but I promise there will be plenty more B/E moments, with more details too.**

**i will probably be updating less often because school starts again tomorrow (help me!!) so i'll have less time to write**

**PLEASE REVIEW **

**E**


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**OMG, I am so sorry I've been so long updating, I had a bit of a writers block, so I had to change the whole mood of the chapter… I think you'll see what I mean, its a bit different from the others.**

After my date with Edward I went straight to the lake to tell mom all about it, I mean I know that she cant hear me, but it reminds me of the days when I was alive and I used to tell her everything.

"Hey mom, I had my date with Edward tonight. It was totally romantic, except that Alice invited herself and Rose too, and made Edward bring his friends too. I thought it would be awkward, but it so wasn't…" I stalled, I still hadn't quite gotten the hang the whole 'one sided monologue' thing, it had been three years, but it still felt strange that mom hadn't interrupted me. I shook my head,

"anyway, we all paired up, Edward was so sweet to me, and I think that Rose and Emmett- that's one of Edwards friends- are going to make the perfect couple, and Alice and Jasper too, except that they cant see that their attraction is mutual…"

I would of continued but to be completely honest it was a little annoying, mom and Phil where in the middle of watching The Amazing Race, and they would constantly shout at the contestants, meaning that my monologue was often punctuated with 'faster, faster' or 'no, you idiot, you took a wrong turn'.

I 'flipped' to watching Charlie, having already decided not to talk to him about Edward, I figured he really wouldn't want to know. But once the image on the screen settled I sat bolt upright and started to run, because I had just seen Charlie getting his freak on with Sue- not something I ever wanted to see EVER.

Having been sufficiently scarred for the evening I headed home, still trying desperately to block out the images that I feared had been imprinted into my brain forever.

* * *

About a month forward, B & E have been on quite a few dates already

* * *

I ran around desperately, looking for my white flats; I was going out with Edward today and I was already late because I got carried away watching mom and dad (I had recovered to the point where I could look at him without feeling sick), and now I couldn't find my shoes. Of course then I realized that I could just wish for a new pair of shoes. I did that and then 'jumped' straight to our usual meeting place; our first meeting place. I got there and of course Edward was already standing there looking as handsome as ever, if not a little crestfallen.

"Edward?" once he heard my voice I had the satisfaction of watching his face light up as he saw me.

"Bella." He sighed, apparently relieved about something, "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up."

"I'm not that late am I?" I asked, at the same time I checked my watch. I had answered my own question, fifteen minutes late. "I'm so sorry Edward, I got caught up watching my family."

Edward could see I was starting to stress out a little and laid a calming hand on my shoulder,

"Its okay Bella, its not like you meant to."

I felt guilty again, it wasn't the first time I'd accidently come late, once I stood him up altogether, only to realize my mistake an hour later. He was just so wonderful and forginving, he never got mad. I smiled, "So what are we doing today?"

"I was thinking we could have a picnic?" Edward asked as if he was unsure if I would want to go. He should have known better really, that was exactly the kind of relaxed thing I had imagined Edward and I doing.

"That sounds great." I said at the same time as he materialized a picnic basket out of nowhere.

We sat down on the rug Edward had so graciously provided and I relaxed into the curve of his arm.

The date was exactly what I had anticipated, relaxing, laidback, peaceful, romantic, comfortable, and pretty much every other positive adjective you can think of. But as we where finishing up, where I could tell the day was winding down, I could feel Edward's arm tense up against me.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, pulling myself up into sitting position. He too rose up,

"Its nothing, its just I wanted to ask you something, and I don't know if you'll get mad at me." I stifled a smile, I couldn't think of anything Edward would ask that would make me mad at him. "Bella, can I meet your parents?"

My mouth flew open, Edward had just asked the most unexpected question in the world.

Edward must have mistaken my shock for anger because he hurried to explain, "its just that they mean so much to you, and I want to know all the people who are important in your life."

"Umm, Edward…"

"Oh God Bella, I don't want you to be upset or mad, if I'm going too fast then that's fine, we can do this later…or never if you want."

I kissed him gently, letting him feel that I wasn't angry at him, " of course I'm not mad at you Edward, I don't think I ever could be…its just I tend to get a bit upset when I'm watching my parents, and I don't want to embarrass myself."

Edward blinked once and then took my face suddenly in my hands, pulled me into his lap and kissed me passionately. "Bella, showing me that you love your family is nothing to be embarrassed about, its one of the reasons that I care so much about you."

I would have answered his ridiculously romantic statement, but the minute I looked into his eyes I was gone, swimming in the seemingly bottomless pools of green, "Uh huh." I breathed. Edward smirked at me, he may be perfect but I think I was accidentally increasing his ego just a little.

"So can we go see your parents?" he asked to clarify, my answer wasn't much of an answer after all.

"What, now?" I all but squeaked.

"No time like the present." Sung Edward.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm and wished us instantly to the lake.

"Um Bella, why are we kneeling at a random lake?"

"I thought you wanted to see my parents?"

"that's my point, unless your parents are in that lake I don't get why we're here."

"Well they kind of are, the reflective surface acts as the portal thing I see them from." I explained.

"Gosh Bella, that is so you, I thought you just sat staring at a screen for most of the day, but this is so much more…I don't know, earthy…natural…"

"Shut up Edward." I wished for my mom to come up on the lake., "Edward, this is my mom Renee." I sort of introduced.

"She looks just like you Bella." Edward had his arm around my shoulders, and he squeezed my hand. I tried as hard as I could not to cry, honestly I did, but it was no use.

Edwards words had started a chain reaction of memories in my head, and I remembered the countless times my family and friends made the same comment, I remembered the pride on Renee's face when she introduced me as her daughter, and the misery when she gave the eulogy at my funeral; 'Bella was my only daughter, and my best friend as well, everyone used to say we looked alike, and it always made me proud that people could think I was even nearly as beautiful as Bella. Bella, my girl, my little dreamer, my closet romantic, my baby, I will always love you'.

So basically I broke down, I would feel the tears stream down my face, and, through the haze of tears I could see Edwards alarm at my sudden change of mood. He shifted so that he was wrapped around me, and rocked me slowly back and forth, "Bella, Bella, don't cry, what's wrong, what did I do wrong?" he asked frantically.

I dragged my hand over my face, "you didn't do anything Edward, its my fault." I started to sob again, "God, I'm so pathetic, I've been dead for three years and I cant even handle thinking about mom and dad without crying like a baby."

Edward pulled me away from the lake altogether, and twisted around so he was facing me, he lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes, "Bella, listen to me, you are not pathetic, okay. You care about you parents, and that's fine." I shook my head, "Bella, you have obviously have a bond with your parents that I cant even begin to comprehend, and I envy you for that, I don't think your pathetic for it."

"You envy me for it? Yeah, I'm _soo_ lucky that I have to deal with the torment of never getting to communicate with my family. Don't you _just_ _wish_ you had to deal with that kind of pain everyday."

"Don't you think I get it Bella? I haven't seen my family in fifty years, and I cant even watch them." he said, clearly straining to remain calm

"that's different Edward." I demanded.

"Why Bella? Why is that different?"

"Because it was your decision not to go to contentment, **you** weren't **forced** to leave them, **you** **let** them leave without you." I spat.

"You think I wanted that? I didn't have a choice in the matter." Edward roared.

"You told me that. You said you were too chicken to move on."

"I also told you I couldn't move on even if I wanted to. I thought you understood that, I thought you might even be the one to change that. But I guess I was wrong."

"Edward, I didn't mean it like that…" I pleaded, my anger starting to turn into guilt and I started to worry, I had never seen Edward so mad, I had clearly really hurt him.

"Save it for someone who believes you Bella." He cut me off, "I really care about you, but you clearly don't feel the same and I'm not about to waste my time with someone who cares more about whinging about the fact that she's dead, than she does about me. You constantly showed up late for dates, sometimes not at all, and I tried to understand, I even asked to meet your parents, just so I could get a better understanding of your relationship with your family…"

"Edward…I…" he brushed me aside,

"and then when you start to cry I try to comfort you, and instead you blow up at me because you thing that you're the only one who knows what sadness feels like. Well I have news for you Bella, you're not the only person who left behind a family when you died."  
By the time he finished his monologue I was speechless, Edward was standing over me now, yelling, his shoulders shaking with sobs. It was as though he had been waiting to say all this stuff for ages, and then it all started to poor out. How could I combat the fact that he obviously hated me, how could I have treated him so unfairly.  
I had acted like he was just there to make me feel better, it had hardly crossed my mind that he might need that too. Edward was right, I was just a selfish girl, and I didn't deserve him.

And with that he disappeared, leaving me curled in a ball by the river, rocking back and forth, he left me, the one thing I thought I could count on just left me.

What had I done? Why did I always hurt the things I cared about?

**Oh My Gosh, please don't hate me, trust me, that wasn't what I had planned at all, but it was just one of those things that wrote itself. So I guess I'll have to do some major plot reworking. I have a few ideas for what I want to do, but I'm open to yours as well.  
****It was getting boring for me writing so much fluff, and it caused the writers block.  
****If you want I can do the next chapter in Edward's POV?**

**Also, I will try to update more regularly, but just as a warning its almost exam time for me, so I might have to study**

**PLEASE REVIEW, even if its to tell me that you think what I just did completely ruined the story**

**E**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or the associated characters…or anything except my laptop, bed and some clothes really**

Edward's POV

"… you not the only person who left behind a family when you died." I finished, by this time red faced and shaking. I felt almost paralyzed in my anger. Dimly I registered Bella's fear and horror as she watched everything I had ever longed to say to anyone pour out.

It was too much, all this unbidden, formerly repressed emotion. I was a monster. I had thought I loved Bella, thought I had been equipped to deal with what I had once secretly labeled her 'addiction' but now could only call selfishness.

I had to get out, away from her

* * *

Once in my house I went straight to my bed and flopped on it, burying my head in the pillows.

If emotion had ruled over me before, it now felt as if I was totally void of it. I couldn't feel, couldn't think, couldn't fathom what I had done, what Bella had done, what we had done. The only thing I could do was wish for sleep, and because I was in heaven- heaven, that word taunted me like never before- I slept.

* * *

But sleep doesn't, didn't last forever, and as I woke up I was hit by the gravity of my situation, and my fury had returned. But this time it wasn't directed at Bella, well not in the most part anyway, I was furious at myself.

In the wake of a new day I could see that that had always been part of the problem. Of course Bella had been wrong to insinuate that I didn't love my family as much as she hers, but in shouting at her I had also been shouting at myself. My words, however true they were, weren't only for Bella and I couldn't believe I had had the audacity to do that.

I rolled over to the side and swore when I encountered the picture on my bedside table; Bella beaming, my arm around her, my face completely content. Normally I loved waking up to that photo, but today it was my breaking point and I grabbed it without thinking and flung it across the room, letting it shatter as it hit the wall.

Storming downstairs I flung open the kitchen cabinet, took out the long neglected scotch and poured myself a shot. I had never been more than I social drinker, and the idea of alcohol before breakfast any other day would have repelled me. But today I needed the drink- need to slow down, to be calm.

I drowned the shot and relished the burn, and subsequent numbness that came with it.

**Yes, I know it's the shortest chapter in history, sorry.  
next chapter will be longer, and probably in Bella's POV  
****Please review and tell me what you thought, and what you think should happen next.**

**E**


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: sometimes I think that the best thing about being Stephenie Meyer would be not having to write out these disclaimers…oh well, I don't own Twilight or its associated characters**

**Oh my gosh you guys, I finally got over the alert number that my other story (someone who understands me) has, thanks heaps :D**

**Also I have two short stories on FictionPress now, the link is on my profile if you want to check them out**

**This chapter takes place just after Edward leaves Bella at the lake**

Alice's POV

I was lying on my bed reading Vogue, when all of the sudden I got this weird feeling that something was wrong with Bella. I jumped straight to the lake, the setting of most of her breakdowns.

Shit, I had thought it would be just that she was a little more upset than usual, but here she was, curled up in a ball, barely able to breath, she was crying so much.

I ran over to her, "Bella, honey, what's wrong?"

"He's gone, he's gone." She wailed.

"Who's gone Bella?" Bella just shook her head, and I realized belatedly who she was talking about; Edward. Why would Edward leave? I was sure that he was in love with her. I bit back the questions that came to mind; Bella was clearly in no position to talk about it. Thanking God for the fact that I had unlimited strength I picked Bella up and took her to my place.

I laid her gently on my bed, "Bella, when you're ready to talk to me I'll be downstairs."

She gave the smallest of whimpers to let me know that she'd heard me, and I went downstairs.

-- the next morning---

I was still frustrated, it was morning now and I hadn't got the answers I needed from Bella; she'd slept, or at least pretended to sleep from the moment I took her to my room, and so all my questions had thus far gone unanswered

I couldn't believe it, how could Edward do whatever he had apparently done. I sifted through my memories of the two of them…oh my god, the question wasn't 'what did Edward do?' it was 'what had Bella done?" I loved Bella, I did, but she could be so tactless sometimes…how did Edward take… it?…badly I bet. And that's when the feeling that something bad had happened came back.

I scrambled for the phone, before pausing; who should I call? Not Emmett, he was 'busy' with Rosalie and besides had the emotional maturity of a teaspoon. I couldn't help but groan when I realized I would have to call the one person I was scared to talk to, but nether the less the person I loved, and the person who could help Edward with what ever happened. I keyed in the number that I'm ashamed to say I have memorized

"Hello?" from his bleary voice I could tell I'd woken him up; normally I'd apologize, but this was no time for pleasantries.

"Jasper, its Alice, something terrible has happened."

* * *

Jasper's POV

"Jasper, it's Alice, something terrible has happened."

"What, what happened?" I sat bolt upright in bed; I swear, if something had happened to Alice…

"I don't know, but I think that Edward and Bella broke up."

"WHAT?"

"You sound almost as surprised as I was."

"He loved her Alice, he wouldn't have broken up with her." I defended him.

"I know that you idiot," she snapped over the phone, "and trust me, she wouldn't have broken up with him either."

"Well then why the hell are you calling me?"

"Bella is like…I don't know…catatonic right now, and the point is that I'm guessing Edward wont be much better; and look, I wouldn't call you if it wasn't absolutely necessary, but I seriously think you need to check on Edward." Beneath my concern for Edward, which was definitely surfacing now that I had time to wake up, there was also the stinging pain of Alice's words 'I wouldn't call you if it wasn't absolutely necessary'. There truly was no hope for me. I buried that selfish thought and got ready to leave for Edward's place; his well-being was the most important thing right now.

"You're right Alice, he does have a tendency to over react where Bella's concerned, I'll go see him now."

"Okay Jasper, thank you. Oh and call me later."

"What?" I paused in the motion of getting dressed,

"So that we can figure out this Bella-Edward situation." Alice clarified.

It was no less than I had been expecting, but I still couldn't help but feel disappointed,

"Oh, yeah, sure, I'll call you…absolutely."

I could practically hear Alice roll her eyes over the phone; I was so pathetic, stumbling over my words.

"Thanks Jasper."

"No problems, he's my best friend after all."

"Bye."

"Bye." There was a pause, one of those awkward moments when you're both waiting for the other person to hang up, before Alice, probably wanting to get back to Bella, terminated the call.

--

I knocked on the door, "Edward, are you there?" I called. There was no answer for a long time and then I heard him step towards the door, apparently knocking something over in the process. The door swung open abruptly,

"Jasper, how you doing buddy?" Edward slurred.

"Edward, are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.

"No, I'm as sober as…you know that thing that's sober." Definitely drunk.

I pushed my way inside, and watched Edward stumble his way towards me, "What the hell happened?"

Edward just looked confused, and I groaned before wishing that he become sober. It was blocked.

Edward, realizing what I was about to do shook his head, "No can do Jasper, part of the whole 'free will' thing."

"You want to be drunk?" Christ, Edward had always hated the feeling of being drunk; what ever he had felt the need to drown out before breakfast must have been bad.

I could see the light switch on behind Edward's eyes, and he suddenly lost the air of drunkenness,

"No." with that he lurched to the couch, and put his head in his hands.

"Edward, what happened?"

"I stuffed it up Jasper."

"What do you mean; I thought things were going great."

"They were, but then I said something without thinking and Bella got pissed at me…and then I started to shout at her…then I left her…I left her Jasper."

"What are you going to do?" I asked as gently has possible.

"What can I do Jasper? She probably never wants to see me again. What should I do?" Edward wailed.

"I don't know man, I don't know." I patted him on the back.

I had to talk to Alice. Shit.

**What do you think? **

**PLEASE REVIEW :D**

**E**


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: yes I love Twilight, no I don't own it or the characters, I do however own the idea of killing them all and sending them to heaven :D  
****Just a warning, there's a bit of swearing in this chapter  
****(oh and by the way Bella is back at her cottage, but Alice is staying with her for a while)**

"Bella, honey, its time to get out of bed."

"Go away Alice."

"Bella, you've hardly gotten up in two weeks."

I jumped out of bed, "Fine Alice, fine, are you happy now." As I stood before her I could tell she was horrified by what ever she could see.

"Bella, have you eaten at all?"

"I haven't been hungry."

"You're starving yourself."

"No I haven't, I just haven't been hungry." I defended myself.

"You haven't been anything Bella; you just lie there feeling sorry for yourself." Alice didn't even sound mad, just upset. I couldn't stand the pity on her face.

"I'm going for a walk." I announced. Alice nodded her head as if satisfied,

"Okay, when you get back, Jasper might be here, he's coming over." I nodded, not really caring.

I swept out of my cottage, and headed to the lake, cursing the horrible weather. Normally I could control the weather, but my horrible mood, had rendered it constantly rainy, as dismal as Forks had been when I was alive.

I knelt at the river bank, and my moms face came up. She was reading a book, curled up on the couch, Phil's arm around her. She looked so happy; happier than me.

I wondered why I even bothered to watch her; she was mostly the picture of happiness, and when she wasn't it just made me depressed, I couldn't do anything about it. And to think that she was the reason Edward wasn't with me right now, because I couldn't not watch her, couldn't not over-react when ever I thought about her. I started to cry, my tears making ripples in Renee's smiling image.

This was the reason I was so miserable, so alone, why I've cried every day for the last two weeks, why I haven't eaten, why I sometimes wish it was possible to die in heaven.

"You spoiled everything. I spoiled everything. Everything is ruined, mom." I yelled at her, the tears poured relentlessly now.

"Fuck mom, I loved him, I love him."

It was too much, this revelation, and I splashed the image away, and was left only with a reflection of my self. I recoiled, my face was red and puffy, and I looked sick, I was shaking; my now too-thin body racked with sobs. "Oh my god, what have I done, I love him."

I swiped my hand across my face, and tried to collect myself, I wished that I looked the same way I did before Edward, before he left. Instantly I was rewarded by a much better reflection; outwardly at least I was back, although I was still crying. And then I paused, I wanted to go to Edward's but how could I? I loved him. I had said such horrible things to him, how could he want me back. I was pathetic.

And so I went home.

It was quiet, and considering Alice was always loud, this was unusual. I listened intently

"Alice, I'm home."

There were some muffled noises, and Alice came out into the small hallway, she seemed startled, "Bella, you look…better."

I shook my head, "I'm not better."

"what do you mean?"

"I'm in love with him Alice. He's all I want, all I need. He's perfect Alice, completely perfect and I don't want a life without him."

"I know honey, I've known longer than you have."

"I've fucked up Alice, completely fucked up, but I need him back." Alice nodded,

"Go tell him Bella."

**Oh I know, I'm so cruel. My exams start this week so I **_**might**_** not be updating for a while, but please review.**

**Heaps of you guys have alerted this story, and I would love it if you could review as well. It doesn't have to be long, we can even have codes; G means good, and B means bad if you can't be bothered to write out a long review. Oh and by the way, anonymous reviews are more than welcome.**

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	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: you know what? having to say I don't own Twilight all the time is really getting to me…I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, OKAY! There, I admitted it**

**This chapter is Edward's POV**

I paced around my mansion absently. I hadn't really done anything but that these past two weeks. Without Bella there's no inspiration for me to play the piano, I can't read; every heroine reminds me of her, drinking is just way too pathetic and depressing, and I couldn't really hang out with Emmett and Jasper, I was too much of a downer on everyone.

Jasper comes over to check on me every now and then, and I take the opportunity to rant about how depressed I am without Bella. To be honest all I want to do is go find Bella and tell her how much I love her, but Jasper tells me I shouldn't. He says I have to give her time to figure out her problems and come to me. As if, I doubt she would ever come to me, not after all the horrible things I've said to her, she probably thinks I'm some kind of monster.

That's the real reason I can't go see her, I don't think I could deal with the look of hatred I know I would receive.

What made it even worse was the fact that I knew I deserved that hatred, I knew that Bella got easily upset, and instead of taking it my stride I started shouting at her. God, truthfully if it was possible to kill yourself in Heaven I'd probably be dead now.

_Ding Dong_, the door bell echoed around the house. I sighed, probably Jasper again, come to reassure me that 'everything would work out eventually'.

I flung the door open, "for gods sake Jasper, leave me alone!"

"umm…Jasper's with Alice." Came the heavenly voice I had missed so much these past weeks.

"Bella." Her name fell from my lips like a prayer; my goddess was back, "what are you doing here?"

"I…I…I'm soooo sorry Edward, I know everything you said was true…I was just the most self centered, selfish person ever…but I'm going to change, I have changed….because…because…" she started to cry, and I stepped closer to her, wiping her tears away:

"Because?"

"Because I'm in love with you Edward." She blurted out, before biting her lip, "but I completely understand if you don't feel the same way." She spun around to walk away, before I unfroze, the glorious shock of her words wearing off only slightly. I caught her wrist and pulled her close to me, so that I could feel the gentle rise and fall of her chest against mine.

"Thank God Bella, thank God, I've loved you for so long, and I've been waiting to love you for longer."

"You love me? After what I did? How can you?"

"the same way you can love me after what I did. Neither of us is perfect, but we're perfect together."

Bella blushed, looking down at her feet. I raised her chin up and pressed her to me, kissing her softly, letting her know how much I'd missed her touch. Apparently this wasn't enough for Bella; she forced her lips harder on mine, and reached up to tangle her fingers in my hair. I gasped, we hadn't kissed like this before; although I certainly wasn't complaining, if I'd known it would be like this I would have done it much sooner. I slid my tongue across her bottom lip and she gasped, allowing me to slip my tongue into her mouth, we kissed like this for a while before Bella pulled away to breath,

"I love you, I love you, I love you." She murmured fervently as I kissed along her jaw, her throat, her collar bone; unlike her I had thought to wish for the ability to never need to breath. So it made sense that I didn't stop kissing her until I heard a very loud squeal.

Alice, she had obviously known what Bella was coming to tell me, and decided to follow her, I frowned as I realized that Jasper was there too, looking more than a little uncomfortable. "OMG, Jasper, we did it! They're together!" she screeched, before leaping into a very surprised Jasper's arms, locking her legs around her waist, and kissing him.

"What the fuck?"

**I know, its very short, but hey, it was written in breaks from studying. (exams are over now YAY! :D) I hope you like how I got them back together.  
****Please review**

**And if you don't mind can you check out my fiction press one-shots and leave a review (anonymous is accepted) they're super short, but I think they're pretty good, the link is on my profile page**

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	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Sorry about the wait I've been busy… doing basically nothing, it was the start of holidays and I was taking it easy, sorry about that, next update should come sooner :D  
****Disclaimer: You guessed it, I don't own twilight…although I do own Edward, well okay, not really**

Bella's POV

"what the fuck?" I swore as I tried to understand what was happening. One minute I had been kissing Edward, and then Alice was there? And Jasper too? And then Alice kissed Jasper? Had I missed something?

"Have I missed something?" Edward asked, clearly as confused as I was.

"Ummm…sort of?" asked Alice, and I deduced that she hadn't been planning on kissing Jasper. I looked down at Edward and I and blushed fiercely, something I hadn't had reason to do in a long time, because Edward and I were currently in a…compromising situation.

One of my hands was tangled in his hair, the other up the back of his T-shirt- something I don't even remember doing, and Edward was bent over me, pressing me flush against him. I jerked back, desperate to remove myself from this mortifying situation, but ended up falling backwards. I'll admit I was surprised when Edward didn't catch me, but in all fairness he was still a little shell-shocked.

Jasper started to laugh, something I hadn't heard him do before, as he surveyed the scene before him, Alice still trying to straighten out her skirt, Edward trying to flatten his hair and me, sprawled across the ground. I couldn't help but join in; it really was funny, and besides I was still high after kissing Edward.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but will you please explain." Begged Edward. I choked back a final giggle and pulled myself up from the ground.

"Do you want to take this one or shall I?" Alice asked Jasper.

"All yours."

"Okay" Alice clapped her hands together and started to pace, "where to start…where to start…so here's the thing, Bella, when you came home so upset I called Jasper to try to find out what happened and he went and saw Edward and we realized that both of you were being idiots and so we…" Jasper coughed loudly, "okay, I decided that we needed to subtly get you two together again."

"WHAT?" Edward and I yelled simultaneously.

"Jasper, if you wanted to get the two of us back together then why did you keep stopping me from telling her that I loved her?" Edward shouted

"Because Bella wasn't ready." Alice cut in.

"I was too!" I protested.

"Oh seriously Bella, that is such bull shit, you only realized that you were in love with Edward fifteen minutes ago, and you only fully realized how stupid you'd been fifteen minutes ago, and the only reason you realized that is because _I_ kicked you out of the house." I blushed furiously, and Edward cocked a semi-amused eyebrow,

"just fifteen minutes?' he asked

"well I was in love with you before that, I just didn't realize that I was in love with you, I mean I've always kinda loved you, you know?..." Edward cut my ranting off by kissing me.

"it okay Bella, I understand, I've always been smarter than you after all." I scowled, or at least tried too, but Edward was doing that smile thing where he made his mouth all crooked, and I caved instantly.

Alice spoiled the moment. "and as for the me kissing Jasper situation, I actually need to figure that out." She grabbed Jasper and pulled him away.

Edward and I just stood there for a while in comfortable silence, his arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist as we pondered what had just happened. Suddenly I burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, did I miss something particularly funny in the last few seconds?"

"I forgot I was dead Edward, I forgot I was dead…can you believe that, I forgot! Just like that, that's fucking amazing!...I mean I normally forget when you kiss me, but then I remember when you stop…and oh my gosh, this is so exciting!"

Edward laughed, but I had a feeling it was at me rather than with me.

"Marry me Bella."

**Umm yeah, I thought I'd leave you with that.**

**Oh and the reason Alice was speaking with no punctuation is that she speaks really fast, I'm not just a really lazy writer**

**Please REVIEW**

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	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16  
****Disclaimer: not mine, blah, blah, blah  
again, sorry for the wait, thanks to everyone who reviewed :D**

I pulled away from Edward and stared at him,"Marry you? What…I'm sorry, you're serious?"

"Oh entirely."

"Edward, we're kind of dead."

"I fail to see why that's relevant."

"Well don't you think, bearing that in mind, that getting married is just a little bit redundant?"

"No."

"you know, the whole 'till death do we part' thing, promising to stay together in sickness and in health when we cant get sick…"

"Bella, you're rambling. Look I just want to make a public declaration that I love you and plan to stay with you for eternity."

I sighed, leaned back over to Edward and kissed him hard on the lips and stared up into the sky. "Edward Mason loves Bella Swan and plans to stay with her for eternity" I yelled, "there, a public declaration, happy?"

"I just want you to be mine, and for me to be yours."

"I'm already yours, and your already mine…can you even get married in Heaven? Is that even possible?"

"Bella, its Heaven, anything is possible."

I growled in frustration, "why are you so desperate to marry me anyway?"

"I don't know, its just something I always thought I'd do when I was alive, and when I died I thought I'd lost the chance, but now I've found you, come on Bella, don't you want to marry me even a little bit."

I took a deep breath, resting my hand lightly on Edward's forearm "Edward, its not that I don't want to marry you, its just that I'm the opposite to you, I never wanted to get married, I guess because of my parents divorce I kind of view marriage as the kiss of death when it comes to relationships."

"Well you don't have to worry about that Bella."

"Why is that?"

"Well for one thing, we're already dead, so the kiss of death would have no adverse affect on us, and for another, I know our marriage would work out"

I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated, "fine!"

"is that a yes?"

"That's a yes..."  
"Cant you be a bit more romantic in your acceptance of my proposal?" Edward pouted, and I laughed, before summing up my best sarcastic demeanor,

"Edward, my one, my only, you are my day, my night, my sun, my rain, my friend, my lover. Yes! Yes! Forever and Always" I said, deadpan, clutching my heart.

"Well really Bella, I'm beginning to think you don't love me at all." And all of the sudden a pretty golden band appeared on my finger.

"Oh, that's pretty."

"Thanks"

**Just a super short, light hearted chapter today :D A couple of people have asked if the story is finished. The short answer is no. the slightly longer answer is that I have a few more chapters planned, some more stuff happening, I don't think I'll do the wedding in too much detail.**

**Now for some shameless plugs,  
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**also if you like alternative music such as the All-American Rejects , I suggest you check out **_**The Academy Is…  
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**Also, REVIEW**

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